An Addendum to Letting Go

Things are moving forward in a positive way… tonight I finally sold the portable air conditioning unit I have been trying to sell since I moved into my house. I’ll probably regret it at some point, but the sale of the AC unit allowed me to pay back some monies owed and thereby cross someone off of my “list” of items that I wrote out the other night…

Progress!

With love across the waters,

An Angel – When You Need One

Something happened to me yesterday at work that has had me thinking about angels and how, in a whole multitude of forms, they appear for us when we need them the most.

A gentleman and a friend of his appeared in the branch yesterday afternoon – he was visibly upset and she was there, I could see, as support.  I had been headed across the floor to do something – whatever it was has now completely escaped me. I changed direction, walked straight over to them, looked him in the face and asked him “How can I help you?”

A simple question when you work in a bank.

He explained to me that his partner had just died and the government was willing to help him cover cremation costs and burial expenses, but he needed to provide them with paperwork and didn’t know where to start.  His friend was there for moral support.

I knew what he needed most right that second was for someone to actually listen to him. I shot the assistant manager of client care a quick look to let him know what I was up to (I was a bank teller at the time) and took them straight into my office and let them have the privacy that was initially required to help get the needs identified.

The transaction itself – what he needed, I mean – wasn’t complicated or onerous – just a couple of statements.  I faxed the documents off for him and then placed a call to the government agent who needed them to let her know that the paperwork should be in her hands within minutes. It really wasn’t difficult or complicated.

When I completed the transaction and phone call for the man, his friend said to me that the man had just told her that I was such an angel for helping like that. The man looked at me then and told me that it was almost as if his partner knew that I needed to be the one to help, and guided me across the floor at just that moment so that I could.

I thanked him from my heart for the compliment and told him that I believe that angels always help is when we need them most.

 You see, when I have needed them most, the angels have always stepped in and either guided my hands, placed me in the right location, sent me the right pets or sent me a messenger.

My father has told me a few times about how, when my brother and I were small, we slept in a set of bunk beds. One afternoon, when my brother and I were to have been napping, Dad was out working in the yard and he told me that he just got this feeling that he NEEDED to be in the house – right away.  When he got into the bedroom my brother and I shared, I must have been fiddling around, and somehow I had managed to get my body between the rail and the mattress of the top bunk bed and, though I was holding on with my hands, had I let go, well, my head was on one side of the rail and my body was hanging out on the other side. I don’t remember this myself, but I can only imagine how much it scared my Dad. I forget how old I was when he first told me, but I know I was being watched over then.

The first time that I can really recall that I really became aware of how totally looked after I am, I was in my teens.  I’d had a dream one night and the next night, while out on a date, the dream helped to avert what could have been a disastrous car accident.

And then later on, when I was in my mid twenties, I was in the throes of despair over a guy (one of the many times) and I had gone off to a beach to sit and stew in my depression and sadness - and yes, not just a little self-pity. While sitting on the beach feeling miserable and desperately sorry for myself, an elderly gentleman came up and sat beside me.  He was telling me about how he had just lost one of his dogs. He looked me in the eyes and told me that God only sends us bad days so that we can appreciate the good ones.

Isn’t that a thought to stop you in your tracks? We only have bad days so that we can appreciate the good ones?

I have noticed that lately I have been happy – and having a lot of good days. I’ve been grateful for them.  Just this morning, while out walking Jasmine, I was thinking about how happy I am.  How happy at just being able to get out for a quiet walk at 5:45 AM with my dog, as the light is shining through the trees and the dew is sparkling in the sunshine.  How riding my bike downhill makes my heart laugh. How the sound of my nephew laughing makes fills my heart to overflowing. How snuggling up with my dog and my cat makes me feel wanted and needed and appreciated.

So here’s a thought for you: What if, in appreciating all of the goodness around us each and every day – being thankful for small and simple things and the taking that split second it takes to just offer thanks to God, Buddha, the Prophet, the Angels, Mohammed, the universe (or whatever you choose to call your highest power) for all of the little tiny blessings we are given each and every day… what if that is what stops the bad days before they happen?

For now, I will offer up my gratitude for another wonderful day. I am thankful that just by listening I can help make someone else’s day a fraction easier. Most of all, tonight I am thankful for the angels who guide my footsteps.

With love across the waters,

Letting Go

I have gotten too comfortable with my worries.  They aren’t exactly my friends, but they have almost always been there with me, when I wake up in the middle of the night. Not exactly comforting, but reliably there.

I have been doing some mental and emotional cleaning lately – and since I spent so much time in the last year doing all of the physical clearing and de-cluttering, it actually makes sense that the emotional and mental clearing also be done – I guess that truthfully I was both not yet ready and, well, just hadn’t thought of how important it might actually be!

I subscribe to the Abraham–Hicks daily Law of Attraction quotes – the emails are in my in basket when I wake up and they are often a great thought to start the day with.  Yesterday’s quote made more of an impact on me than usual. Here’s the quote in its entirety:

Most people have a hard time delegating, or even wanting to delegate, because you have been justifying your existence through your hard work, and you equate success with struggle; you equate results with struggle. And so, you sort of wear your struggle like a badge of honour. And all of that is opposite of allowing the Well-being. The only thing that ever matters in success or achievement is your achieving the things that you want to achieve. So if you are setting standards and you're feeling uncomfortable about the standards that you've set, tweak the standards back a little bit. Ratchet it back a notch. Give yourself a break. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Lighten up. Be easier. Go slower. Take it easy. Have more fun. Love yourself more. Laugh more. Appreciate more. All is well. You can't get it wrong. You never get it done.

--- Abraham (Excerpted from the workshop in San Antonio, TX on Saturday, April 20th, 2002 # 490)

Anyhow, as I said, it made an impact - and off and on, all day yesterday, I thought about it. “Why not? What is it about my worries that I need to hold onto? I’m obviously not resolving any of them by lying awake at 2:00 AM thinking about them all – maybe it is time to delegate the resolution of these worries out and let someone else produce viable solutions for me?”

This in mind, I came home from work, had a decent dinner and wrote a letter to Santa Claus.  Ok, not really, but what I did do is sit down and, with my trusty red pen, write out a letter to the universe about everything that has been on my mind lately… All of the concerns and worries that have been bogging me down and waking me up at night. The letter started with grateful thanks for all of the wonderful people and blessings I have in my life. I then listed out my main bugaboos and let the universe know that I have now delegated all responsibility for resolution of these things to, well, the universe.  There is infinite energy out there, why not use some of it to help me let go of some things that have been sucking up my energy down here?

Finishing with thanks and yes, more gratitude, I let the universe know, in writing, that I trust that all of these concerns will be dealt with in the next six months to a year (I have to be reasonable in my project timelines, right?) signed it and then placed it into my wood stove and burnt it.

Ok, I know that may have seemed a drastic step – but here’s why I burnt it. Letters to Santa weren’t always sent by Canada Post – once upon a time, they were burnt and the ashes magically ended up in the North Pole, in once piece, for Santa to read and determine what was going to be possible and what would need to wait until “later.” I figure that if it works for Santa it MUST work for the rest of the angelic community, right?

Off to bed last night, I did wake up in the middle of the night – I needed to pee… but when I got back into bed, well, instead of my usual “lie there and hope to fall back asleep before starting to worry about… oh crap, I thought about it and therefore started worrying about it… SIGH” I thought about some nice things and then fell back asleep!

Huh – there must be something to this!

And then, like magic, this morning’s Abraham–Hicks daily Law of Attraction quote:

It's not your work to make anything happen. It's your work to dream it and let it happen. Law of Attraction will make it happen. In your joy, you create something, and then you maintain your vibrational harmony with it, and the Universe must find a way to bring it about. That's the promise of Law of Attraction.

--- Abraham (Excerpted from the workshop in Larkspur, CA on Sunday, August 16th, 1998 # 491)

I think I may have taken a step in the right direction this time!

With love across the waters,

Intensity

The word intensity raises all sorts of feelings in me – emotional ones like fear, anxiety, excitement, exhilaration, and physical ones like headaches, excited butterflies and knots in my guts.

It isn’t a word I choose to seek out to describe my day or any planned activities I might want to try – and yet… well, intensity is the perfect word to describe something I tried for the first time ever today – Bikram Yoga.

WHEW.

The pre-activity nerves were intense – could I do this? People commented freely to me on how hot it would be in the room and I am so not a hot weather girl.  Can’t sleep when it’s too warm, don’t want to move when I’m too warm – would MUCH rather be feeling cold rather than feeling warm because I can ALWAYS put on more clothing.

Speaking of putting on more clothing – yes, part of the pre-attempt nerves also surrounded what to wear.  Yoga pants? Tee-shirt? Singlet? Shorts? Hm.

I ended up settling on a skin tight lycra tank top with a built in bra and a pair of lycra running shorts I had bought myself a few years ago when I was still able to run.  Things I would NEVER wear in public where actual people could see me - I know how I look!

Anyhow, in light of the amount of sweat I anticipated I would be losing, I elected NOT to have any boozy beverages at the cabin yesterday and have been drinking LOTS of water for the last few days.

I got to the Comox Valley Bikram Yoga studio and almost swallowed my tongue – the guy behind the desk (who also turned out to be the instructor) was GORGEOUS.  I mean OH MY GOD gorgeous.

He was also, however, as most yoga practitioners and teachers tend to be, extremely peaceful to speak with and very genuine in his desire to put me at ease with what to expect. He explained a few things to me and told me that if it got to be too much for me, just to lie down in corpse pose and breathe.

I dropped my stuff in the ladies change room and headed into the studio itself and walked into a wall of heat and humidity – one that reminded me very much of how it would feel to leave the nice cool air conditioned office at the end of the day (when I was in Ontario) and walk into a wall of hot smoggy air to get to the train station to head home.  Thankfully this was just hot.  BC doesn’t do smog!

I settled myself at the back of the room, set my things out (I now understand why two towels – thank GOD I read the website instructions!) and lay down in the dark to wait for things to start – and also to try and acclimatize myself to the heat.  What I read online warned me to expect 105*F (for us Canadians, that’s a good solid 40*C) (yes, you read that right!)

The instructor came in and turned on the lights and it was time to begin.  I glanced around once and noted that in spite of how little I felt I was wearing, I was still wearing more than many of the others in the room.  He welcomed us to the session (and me in particular as the only total newbie in there) reminded us all that even if we couldn't manage the whole session that the most important thing to do would be to only leave the room as a last resort, and then got us started with a breath exercise to warm us up (literally AND figuratively) and then we were off to the races.

I started to sweat as soon as the first breath exercise started.

Impression? Intense.

I was most definitely not the only person who had to stop every once in a while and re-group my bearings.  I managed *almost* all of the poses – and the ones I couldn’t manage were ones I have ALWAYS had issues with – namely balance poses where you are trying to be on one foot. I am carrying a lot of extra weight now, and so some of the poses were simply not manageable because I can’t reach around myself as easily as I could when I was running regularly and slimmer than I am now. I also had trouble with the breathing exercises done at the very end of the session - they were short burst breathing exercises that, when I started them, made me feel dizzy and lit off a whole pile of sparklies in my head - I stopped that, and went back to a long slow breath pattern and the dizzies went away.

I was not the only one running with sweat. Even my knee caps were sweating – I have NEVER seen sweat bead up on my knees! 

I was not the only one breathing like I was in the middle of running the hardest sprint ever.

I was not the only one who, toward the end of the class when the instructor opened the door, reacted with an almost audible noise of relief at the cool breeze – I thought I had died for a second there!

And then, at the end of the class, I was not the only one who was smiling. A couple of people came up to me after the class was over and commented on how well I had done – and my girlfriend Steph (who came with me for moral support) was almost as proud of me as I am.

It was hard.  It was hot.  But you know what? It wasn’t as hard or as hot as I thought it was going to be.  This is something I could see myself doing on a semi-regular basis. Yes, as Steph told me, it kicked my ass in a BIG way, but the verdict (which was “in” as I was driving home) is that I am going to try and make one class a week work for my schedule and my budget.

I now understand some of what makes this so addictive to people. I also now understand how one of my other friends could call a yoga class a cardiovascular work out. The first time she mentioned to me that Bikram is her cardio, well, I admit it, I thought she was nuts. I mean really, how the hell is yoga a cardio work-out? 

Wow - did I ever eat my words today!

With love across the waters,

Namaste