Crushes

I wonder what it is about “the crush” that is so powerful – something that can turn a strong-willed, relatively stable forty (cough cough) something year old adult into a 12-year-old – and one completely incapable of sentient thought or verbalization other than “Oh. My. GOD – and then what did he say?????”

I’ve been trying, for a number of months now, to get over a crush.  Obviously it’s not going to go anywhere.  Obviously he’s not into me, in the same way I am into him.  Obviously his chest doesn’t hurt when he looks at me… mine, however, does - whenever I look at him. 

I try REALLY hard not to look.

I’ve been on vacation for 2 weeks.  Absence heals, right? Nope.  

I had a facebook message from a girlfriend of mine today – telling me that he had been into the branch today and was actually asking about me – mentioned he hadn’t seen me in ages and wondered where I am.

I swear to God, I turned into a 12 year old girl the second I read that.  Was dying to know EXACTLY what he said… HOW he said it… how he looked when he was asking…

Ugh.

There should be a cure for this – I would be willing to bet that if someone could come up with a cure for the common crush he or she would make an absolute FORTUNE from adults trying to remain adult.

And damn it all, when I am back to work next week I just *know* I am going to be looking for him until I see him again – in spite of the fact that obviously it’s not going to go anywhere.  And also in spite of the fact that obviously he’s not into me, in the same way I am into him. 

With love across the waters,

Sunday Chores and a Feng Shui Update

I’m very nearly finished my Sunday chore list - laundry is the one thing still underway at the moment because there’s a final load in the drier. I'm back in my seat in front of the computer, full of good intention – the kind that means I’ll balance my accounts and deal with my “paperwork” drawer.

We all have one – go on, admit it. You know exactly what I am talking about – it’s that drawer where the week’s bills, account statements, receipts and all of that other paper-based minutia seems to accumulate itself. Some weeks you get to the bottom of it all, other weeks you just can’t bear to face what might be under the receipt from Costco.

I am usually pretty good about spending a couple of hours on Sunday afternoon dealing with all of it. I haven’t started it yet, but that’s only because I had a couple of thoughts I wanted to share. Specifically, I wanted to provide an update on how things have been coming this week, and what changes I am starting to notice.

On Terri’s last visit (January 21st, 2011) we revisited the things I am working to manifest – namely, a full time job, owning my own home and yes, a relationship (you know, love, romance etc) and she made suggestions based on what I intend to manifest in my life. Physical changes complete, now it’s up to the mental ones – the part where the “Intention” comes into play.

On the job, I believe that now it’s just a matter of time. Either where I am already or elsewhere, something permanent and full time (with benefits and a good salary) is on its way. Where I am already? Possibly – I have been having great weekly reviews with my manager and receiving a lot of feed-back that encourages me to believe that the support is there for me as soon as the role becomes available. Elsewhere? Also possible – I am keeping my eyes and ears open (something I haven’t historically done as I have spent nearly 20 years working for the same company.) It’s interesting, but takes me out of my comfort zone a little – which is OK, I think.

Where a home of my own is concerned, the second the full time job is mine, the house is mine too.

Romance? Well, not so much there. I was speaking with my best girlfriend earlier today and she asked if I’d heard from the man I am crushing on – and no, I haven’t. As a matter of fact, I’ve decided that the ship sailed, and I have written that possibility off as a lost cause. No worries. Remember – nature abhors a vacuum and since I am now allowing that emotional space, someone new will come along to fill it.

How does it all tie into Feng Shui this week? Well, the principle is there – the energy has been opened up and the space feels better – and I feel better for being in the space. That impacts the energy I take out into the world with me and how I relate to and interact with other people. So all in all, things are improving!

Now, back to the paperwork drawer!

With love across the waters,

Thoughts on Dating at 40

My initial thought is that, at 40, I’m too old to have crushes and I’m WAY too old to feel like a 12 year old crushing on that cute boy who…

In May of this year, when I started work in the branch, I almost immediately noticed this handsome, gregarious, tall man who is one of our clients. Ok, he’s flirty - what can I say? Anyhow, he’s in about once a week - doing his banking and ALWAYS has a smile on his face and these really mischievous laughing blue eyes that make me want to smile just seeing them.

So maybe 40 isn’t too old to have a crush after all?

Content to crush from afar, I like seeing him when he comes in… I enjoy talking with him if I have him at my wicket and truly, I really like looking at him when he goes back out.

*grin*

Hey - I’m human right?

Anyhow, about 3 weeks ago he was in and being served by the lady at the wicket beside me (damn, not me!) and she called me into the conversation for some assistance. This led to some mild flirting - on HIS part… So maybe I’m not one sided crushing?

Fast forward… (well, ok, not really fast - like anyone else, that last couple of weeks before vacation drags for me too!) to this past Monday - my second client of the day (damn - such a fine way to start my day!) and there his smiling face is! At my wicket! Oh joy! Oh God - I have SUCH a huge crush on him! I thought he was supposed to be having knee surgery last week (turns out they pushed it off to yesterday) and so I was VERY happily surprised to see him.

First words out of his mouth… “So, I’m going to give you my number.“

GAH! REALLY? HONEST? YOU AREN’T JOKING WITH ME? NO FRICKEN WAY!

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was, of course, able to speak, but THAT is what was running through my brain at the time.

Then reality crashed on me and I remembered that I was heading out on vacation early Saturday morning and would be gone for TWO WHOLE FRICKEN WEEKS!!!

*sigh*

No date this week, but he has said he will take me up for a drive around in the snow when I get back.

All week long, though, I have felt like a 12 year old girl. Alternating between giddy and disbelief. Giddy at the thought of actually, maybe, being liked by this man that I find so attractive, and then utterly disbelieving that I might be liked by this man I find so attractive. I’m certain I have been driving my girlfriends insane with my obsessing over this whole thing…

Who would have thought it? At 40, to actually feel young(ish) and attractive and, well, like a kid!

Maybe I’m not too old after all?